The “Talk”: Why is it so difficult to get the conversation started?
Throughout the years, I’ve had many opportunities to talk to parents about how to teach their children about their bodies. Most parents think it is fun to teach how the heart beats or why their kids’ muscles get tired when they run. But as soon as I suggest they start talking to their kids about reproductive anatomy, these same parents run for the door. Why is this? I’ve found that there are three main reasons:
- Parents often find it hard to believe that their children are growing older and are ready to learn this information
- Parents might have personal issues in this area that makes them feel uncomfortable or vulnerable with the subject matter
- Parents don’t feel like they have enough knowledge themselves to teach the topic
Have you seen the car commercial where the dad is looking inside his car at a little girl behind the steering wheel while he is explaining how to drive safe? In the very next scene, you see a teenaged girl sitting behind the steering wheel, suggesting that her dad is having difficulty believing that his little girl is old enough to drive a car. I remember a similar experience. When my daughter was about four years old I decided to buy a pair of shoes for her when she wasn’t with me. When I arrived home and tried the shoes on her, I was shocked to discover that they were several sizes too small. Somehow she had grown older in real life than she had in my mind. I don’t think I am alone in wanting my children to stay young, but we need to accept that they do grow older each day and we need to teach what they need in real time.
Another reason parents hold back in talking to their kids about their girl or boy anatomy is because of personal issues the parents have from their own lives. Our sexual history is either a plus or a minus for us when it comes to teaching our kids. We can feel uneasy because we don’t want our past to become part of the conversation. Maybe we have some bad memories that cause us to put the brakes on as soon as the topic is introduced. As difficult as it might sound, we need to start with a clean slate when we teach our kids. The new beginning might be good for us, too.
Thinking back, I don’t remember my parents telling me anything and all I remember from school was a shocking sex education video in fifth grade. We can do better. It must be so confusing for you as a concerned parent to know where to find the resources you need to teach this topic to your child. There are lots of great books available, but one limitation I have observed is that they are not always age-appropriate. This has been a driving motivation for me to write a series of books about the reproductive system that begin with content for 5-7-year-olds. If we teach kids a little more about their girl or boy anatomy each year of elementary school, they will have a solid foundation when it is time to attend the sex education instruction at the end of elementary school. The challenge, as I see it, is for me to help the parent as the parent teaches the child and that is my mission and my dream.
There are real reasons why it is difficult to start this conversation with our child, but this is one of the most important topics we will teach them. Our children need us to guide them through these choppy waters not just once, but throughout their childhood and adolescence. The more knowledge they have, the more confident they will be as they reach sexual maturity. These learning moments build special memories between you and your child. By creating an open, honest environment, you will be surprised about the tremendous impact that you are going to have simply because you are mom or dad. I will be there to help you every step of the way. Let’s get started!
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